To appear ‘fine’, I denied my feelings and emotions. When one is struggling to stay alive, pausing to ‘get in touch’ with how one is feeling is not an option.I reacted and I moved on. The time in between challenging events seemed to grow shorter and shorter. I moved from loss to loss with little or no awareness.
Opportunity for resolution rarely presented itself. I grew more emotionally ‘numb’ by the year, more anxious of the future, more depressed about the past.
I am encouraged to feel what I am feeling. I take the time to talk about events that prove difficult, events that sometime trigger past trauma. I am fully reassured that this is part of the recovery process, the process of breaking up the denial associated with my experience.
When I feel angry, I can check my ‘pulse’. Sometimes my anger is associated with something in the environment that requires my immediate attention. I ask for what I need in order to feel safe. I act to care for myself. I move on.
When my anger turns to rage and continues longer than an hour, I know to look beyond what just happened. I have been triggered. I am reacting to old events. I am stuck.
I process my emotions with someone who is safe, someone who is present, someone who allows my autonomy, someone who can listen without ‘intervening’, someone who allows me the dignity to discover solutions that work for me.
I plan my action. I act according to my plan. I stay connected. I remain involved in my own process. These are my ‘educational moments’. I need this awareness to recover.
Remaining emotionally awake? Terrific!
Responding to life, rather than reacting? Even better!
I have been in program for 37 years. I am better at recognizing how I feel and responding to life, rather than denying how I feel and over reacting to life. Steady on!