CARING ABOUT OTHERS

I cared more about other’s approval than I cared about others. And yet, there were times when I ‘sacrificed’ myself to help. My primary concern was to avoid conflict.

I sought out relationships where I was either the one needing support or the indispensable one giving support. All the while, I was unaware of my process, unaware of the ‘bargain struck’ with the other individual or institution.

To carry out the survival demands of my false self, I had to have an audience. I could be gracious at times, seeing myself as the benevolent savior; at other times, I was powerful and demanding, an all-knowing authority concerned with the best outcome for everyone. I didn’t make friends, I took hostages. Either way, I always lost myself in the process. I was, in effect, on ‘autopilot’, doing what I thought I had to do in order to avoid being rejected or seen as weak.

Today, I view others as autonomous, free to be who they are. I am not only satisfied to be on my own journey, but I supremely respect the right of others to be on their journey, as well. No longer am I compelled to control anybody. I am satisfied to grant others the same dignity that was granted to me in the program: the dignity of discovering my own values, defining my own problems, and arriving at my own solutions in my own time.

I am unable to manufacture care and concern for others simply because I ‘should always’ be caring and concerned for others. What I can do is take the time to know someone by listening politely to their story. In knowing them, I come to respect who they are. In respecting their journey, I grow to genuinely care about their process; thus, I naturally respond in a caring way.

I don’t need an audience these days in order to be me. No longer compelled to rescue,
care take or fix other people, I am free to allow others the autonomy of sorting out
the details of their own adventure. I ‘lend a hand’ upon request, provided I have a
free hand to lend as I…

LIVE AND LET LIVE